When you see your cat sleeping soundly at home, you’d probably loathe at their laziness and thought “man, I wish my cat could do the house chores for once”. Yet, despite detesting their authority, you’d venerate their whims on a daily basis, because your cat understands your domesticated role in house chores with this simple phrase: “would you kindly make food”? You’d unhesitantly complied and within minutes, a clean plate of sea tuna and Evian water bowl was served in front of the pompous king of the house, and even that wouldn’t stop the cat from arrogantly walking away from all your hard effort. But why did you comply? Since the time of ancient civilizations (undocumented lost civilizations notwithstanding), cats have always been at the forefront of human affairs, be it amongst emperors, commoners, and rebels alike. True to their secretive nature, cats were never acknowledged any responsibilities for the progress and downfall of man that they engineered, as if they deliberately lulled man and historians into believing that every significant occurrence was their own doing (or Jews, cat’s favourite scapegoat).
Traditional conspiracy theorist tend to assume that the black man (not Will Smith) in recent times had gained control of the White House, when in fact it was the cat that controls the president, his aides, and where the next Predator drone strike would be. Unlike man, cats do not discriminate the skin colour of whom they enslave as it views anything not a cat as slaveable. It is hardly surprising that in the homes and administrative offices of world leaders across the globe, this manipulative four-legged conspirator can always be found resting on top of four-figure priced swivel chair while licking themselves after another successful night of plotting world domination and leaving it all to humans to carry out its will, where as aforementioned, the cat would kindly let man took credit for as it always did. The Prime Minister of Malaysia kept cats at his Putrajaya residence and the British Prime Minister too, at Downing Street. It would hardly be an astounding revelation if one discovers that the source of turmoil in the middle east was in fact caused by cats with differing agendas (recall ancient Egypt, folks). Everyone in the middle east desired to ravage each other until the last man standing, but they will never dare to bring themselves to murder their furry despots. Such was the extent of the cat’s power.
One may also wonder if the domestication of the modern man from daring, bear-eating, leave it all to nature outdoorsmen to docile, fast food gobbling, air-conditioned mall walking indoorsmen could be attributed to the passed down influences of the humble (but ultimately dominating) housecat, which memetically grew as cats spread across the continent, making their way into the homes of man by charm and clever deceit. Whatever the answers may be, it’s apparently clear that our grand civilization, structured governance, and thousands of years of glorious history could not have been realized, had it not been for our voluntary (or otherwise) enslavement to our feline masters. One life, we have. Nine lives, they can has.
Inspired by a completely off-topic discussion I had with someone on Facebook regarding his cat. Overall entry adopted from my subsequent Facebook post that followed after said discussion. It’s just a random urge to write something completely untrue and outlandish to keep my creative writing skills polished. Embarrassingly, I have to bold the previous sentence because we all know how thick some of your average random visitor can be. Who knows, maybe they’re just cats messing with the mouse and keyboard. Messing with the mouse. Heh.