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WAR OF THE WORLDS: GOLIATH – REVIEW

November 29th, 2012 · 7 Comments · Movie

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Big mechs, huge Martians, colossal explosions. No brains needed. CAUTION: spoilers and badass Drunken Ninja Pirate level cursing ahead!

- This movie understands that it wants to be a straight-to-the-point animated action movie, so it doesn’t dipshit itself around with too much plot and goes straight to the meat of the movie: non-stop, hardcore, metal-to-lead, babies-are-ugly stomping explosions every-fucking-where action. That or perhaps I had stepped into the cinema without any expectations of a good storyline, although the movie’s reinterpretation of our timeline into an alternate steampunk universe while still containing the going-ons of our real-world history does feel rich and well-researched, which leaves a lot of room open for side-stories like the ongoing World War I between European countries amidst the backdrop of an imminent Martian invasion. Understandably, going for mindless action instead of a banter buffet of philosophical existentialism and complex interpretation of bullshit humanistic themes might be a safe course of action on the studio’s side to attract more viewers considering the gamble they had to put up with a major project like this. After all, the average Malaysian moviegoer is denser than Alpha Centauri when it comes to movies that requires a small percentage of thinking capacity to be fully appreciated (ask how many of them who could stomach relatively surface level philosophical movies like Inception). Of course, feel free to bitch about the movie’s paper-thin depth of character development and a story progression so straight it offends gay people.

- Everyone in this movie is fucking badass! It’s as if they had harvested the DNAs of hardcore Greek Gods, injected them into their ballsacs, and their chesthairs had been weightlifting piles of mangled corpses eversince! We have historical figures getting reinterpreted into WotW:G‘s alternate universe. Who would’ve thought Theodore Roosevelt’s the kind of guy who starts bar fights and stared unflinched in the ass ugly face of the Martian invaders head-on? Actually Abraham Lincoln had done that a few decades back with his smashing vampire hunter career, so it shouldn’t be strange at all to begin with. :/

- Our token Malayan character, Raja Iskandar Shah (voiced by Tony Eusoff) wasn’t simply there to tell every sentient creature on earth HURR WE MADE THIS EPIC SHIT NOW SUCK OUR COLLECTIVE DICKS YOU UNWORTHY INFIDELS but he’s a really likeable BRO himself (and, other than Roosevelt, my favourite character for this movie as well). Wise as fuck, highly educated, and loves his tea. In fact, if I had ever issued a BRO OF THE MONTH award, Shah would certainly sit on the top list for November 2012. Oh, and his Keris stabby part deserved another nonexistent award which I would’ve give out as well and that’s BADASS MOVIE SCENE OF THE MONTH, ANIMATED CATEGORY.

- That Jennifer whats-her-name chick who’s the overly obvious love interest with our main character Eric Wells really didn’t mess around in stating the obvious that she wanted to bang. If this was a fucking Japanese anime, it’ll be nothing but a relationship full of frustrating cockblock and hair-ripping indecisiveness you wish they’d just get on with it and FUCK ALREADY. Oh yeah, local screenings in Malaysia had sliced out the only love-making scene in the movie, but at least that gave the rest of us who haven’t seen the movie an incentive to pay the good ol’ Pbay a visit. Now I’m not encouraging piracy here, I’m just stating how minor censorship could end up becoming off-putting for some who wished to view the movie in its uncut, complete entirety and not necessarily for the sake of pleasuring their unloved nerdy instruments with watered down PG-13 piston action.

- This movie needs to release a soundtrack CD. I love how well the music score matches the grim feel of this movie as with stoking a sense of intensity and heroism during the movie’s many battle scenes.

- People who complained about the movie looking like a Saturday morning cartoon with only PG-13 violence/suggestive contents needs a hundred bootstomp from every metal sole safety boots ever manufactured by humanity for having no love for the feel of childhood nostalgia at all. Kindly GTFO and be banished into the Rainbowland Gulag for some thorough re-education.

- I kinda get the Front Mission vibe more than Metal Gear (as a friend had suggested) when I saw those tripedal/quadpedal mechs (called Goliaths, as the movie’s namesake), especially being a pure military machine complete with their own combat doctrines, which are more or less like contemporary armoured vehicles where they sit in one place like high-rise, vulnerable water towers waiting to be horribly picked off one by one by the Martian walkers. OK, so their combat doctrines are nothing like the nimble and infantry-like Wanzers of Front Mission, but at least it did well in portraying the technological limitations that mankind is still suffering from compared to their Martian counterpart. And SHIT YEAH guns everywhere.

- The voice actor playing our main character Eric Wells (voiced by Peter Wingfield) sounded kinda stiff and very teethgrinding to listen to early on, but gradually warmed up and naturalized to the character as the movie progressed. Wonder if the early parts were hastily recorded before the voice actor could get a feel for the character he’s voicing.

- Yes, there are a few QUALITY segments of less than stellar animation if one has my discerning eyes for details, and some people who aren’t use to direct-to-DVD quality animation might find the movie’s style a bit hard to digest. Other than that, it’ll nicely do. Not much to complain about over the sights and sounds of EXPLOSIONS, GUNS, SOLDIERS, MECHS, AND MARTIANS EVERYWHERE

TL;DR

Leave your brain in an armoured safe somewhere and enjoy the hassle-free might and fury that WotW:G brought to the silver screen. Don’t let the movie’s childish looks fool you or he’d turn you into a traumatic war orphan for being a massive bugger. Also guns guns guns guns guns…

CREDITS

- Thanks to the official War Of The Worlds: Goliath homepage for supplementing additional information that I missed (and reminding me of stuff I forgot).
- Golden Screen Cinemas (Paradigm Mall) for being the quietest cinema I had ever went to (no goddamn noisy children!), especially the late night screenings. Now this is the kind of cinema I like!


War Of The Worlds: Goliath trailer.

If you like this movie review, do check out my previous review for Silent Hill: Revelation 3D.

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7 Comments so far ↓

  • Carter Sexton

    I’d say the reviewer perfectly exemplifies a 13 year old boy who might think this is worth watching. Sorry that’s insulting to 13 year old boys. But what do you expect from someone who can’t refrain from useing the word fuck in every paragraph. Other than the imaginative design work of Studio Climb (Malaysia) this is nothing short of dismal direction, animation and story.

    • Art Blik

      “Carter” is spending a lot of time and energy badmouthing this film (and now, Reviewers). Unfortunately, his “hate” is apparently faith based as he has actually not even seen the picture. Perhaps you should take the time to watch first, Carter, then “hate” away.

      • Carter Sexton

        Dear “Art”
        First of all a reviewer is a public entity open to criticism and this reviewer is willing to post opposing views which is admirable.The fact you are tracking my posts is kinda creepy. I didn’t realize stating that the IMDb ratings for this film have dropped from a low 3.7 to a dismal 2.8 was hateful. I suppose when “fans” rate this film with a 10 out 0f 10 rating on IMDb that’s truthful? Well everyone is entitled to their opinion. If you want to believe this is a 10 out of 10 film go ahead. The truth is my opinion doesn’t matter at all. If the film connects with the audience (like this reviewer) it will sell and if it’s not it will fail. The market decides this not you or me. I hate bullshit. Credit goes to Studio Climb for design. The rest. Ugh!

        • Hangmen13

          Well, since you already answered everything yourself, here’s a cup of keep calm and chill the fuck up sheesh…

          且_(・_・ )

          Hold on a moment, it’s winter on the other side of the world, so here’s a heated cup of keep calm and warm the fuck up sheesh…

          ~~旦_(・o・;)

        • Art Blik

          Dear “Carter”,

          LOL dude. I’m “creepy” for responding to you and you’re the one whose trolling around the internet “hating” on a film you haven’t even seen. And for a personal vendetta. And you don’t even have the balls to use your real time. Classic chickenshit troll behavior pal.

  • Carter Sexton

    Yes your extremely creepy not to mention a troll.
    I’ve posted a grand total of 6 comments on this subject over a three month period generally consisting of two short lines of comment. That is not a vendetta by any definition of the term. .It’s called a reality check. My alias is easily recognized as an art store name as is yours. There is no “Art Blix”. No one in the industry would confuse the alias I am using as a real person. I challenge you to post a single false statement or lie I have told about this film. You can’t. Your self righteous attack on my opinions says more about you than it does about me. As I said before this film will succeed or fail based on how it connects to an audience. Not by my opinion and most certainly not by your opinion “ART”.
    Kindly go fuck yourself.

    • Art Blik

      Dear Carter.

      Your lies are many as is your crazy, bitter animus. Here’s the big lie, Carter. You haven’t actually seen the movie you’re obsessively attacking. Instead you reference a couple of critics that did didn’t like the film and attack others who clearly did. But again, this is a film you haven’t seen. :)

      What kind of hateful, wacky troll does that make you? Care to answer that one question?

      I thought not. Seriously, get yourself some psychiatric care. You are clearly in need of help. You can probably get some free psychiatric care via a foodstamp program or government charity. Good luck.

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