SUPERIOR INTERNET CONTENT! X2

A brief summary of all the bizarre and crazy news since late March to late April 2010.

Sex and party for potential insurance clients - does the insurance cover erectile dysfunction and AIDS?
Heathrow worker warned over body scanner misuse - so there is such a thing as body scanner porn! /r/ Torrent or Mediafire plox.

Nato axes Afghan junk food joints at key bases - no cheezburgers for the Yanks.
Grandmother fined, tagged and on curfew for selling goldfish to minor - selling goldfish to a minor equals selling drugs with complimentary child porn thrown in. Yes, an elderly person being treated the same way as a convicted drug dealer and paedophile just for selling a goddamn goldfish. Only in Britannia. Certainly not a place for me to happily retire once I’ve grown old.
Nigeria: Man crashes car into 737 aircraft - unique stunt FAIL.
Kent man told to remove makeshift pothole warning sign - in Britannia, it’s considered unlawful to be a good, helpful samaritan.

New Jersey Girl Sells 7-Year-Old Sister For Sex - pimping ain’t easy. Surprisingly, American moralists and feminazis are not available to comment on this deplorable act at their very soil and instead gave the focus of their anger exclusively at Japan and their fictitious, virtual pornography.
Girl, six, abused by 23 pupils - they’ve banned adults before from both supervising their own children in playgrounds and attending Sports Day; it’s SUPER EFFECTIVE at cracking down on all suspected paedophiles among parents. Now, should they ban children from schools as well?
US girl sues for $1m over arrest for desk scribble - if I could call my country’s Federal Reserve Unit to fire teargas at the classroom whenever the kids are making too much riotous noise in class, I’d gladly become a teacher once I graduate.

‘Alien invasion’ April Fools’ story angers Jordan mayor - geez, no sense of humour at all. If say, I pull an Imam Mahdi prank on these Jordanians, I’ll be chopped up crispy steak hung at the town centre by an angry chanting crowd in no time.
Varsity students selling sex toys - what is not good about selling sex toys in a presumably Islamic country (which also houses one of Tiger Beer’s major breweries and one casino in Genting Highlands)? Why make it a crime? If it keeps curious teenagers from free sex and unwanted pregnancy, then it’s good enough. But I guess it’s considered against the will of nature to use such devices amirite? Oh well, there’s always the God-given left hand as the perfect natural substitute.

Driver blames UFO for failure to pay parking fine - if I was ever convicted of committing rape, I could blame the tentacle rape monster to argue for my innocence.

Shooting of porno film upsets local folk - whoah, someone actually shot a porno flick in my country, hilariously featuring New Guinea tribesmen! ZOMG TORRENT PLZ!
Cook-book misprint costs Australian publishers dear - LOL freshly ground black people.