Hangmen’s Birthday Party
No. of Attendees (Human): 0
No. of Attendees (Non-Human/Physically Present): 1
No. of Attendees (Non-Human/Other): 4704
No. of Cakes: 0
Social Proficiency: -140%
Actual Fun: 1/10
It’s my birthday today and Saber, my ex-waifu decided to attend this most auspicious of days in a private event organized within the protected confines of my green zone.
A cold-cut sandwich and green tea: Amerikka-jin and Weaboo all served in one combo. No cakes for my birthday because we all know what that is.
That ain’t no turkey boy, no turkey! Between the two pieces of bread are smoked lamb leg topped with salad-style lettuce, thinly-sliced tomatoes and Heinz mayonnaise. The aforementioned smoked lamb leg was snatched up from Jusco at 50% less.
I was in Task Force 141 for 10 years. The sunlight above me blinked and sparked out of the air. There were NO RUSSIAN in Brazil. I haven’t seen them, but had expected them now for years. My warnings to General Shepherd were not listened to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway. When I was young I watched the Pave Lows and said to dad “I want to be on the helicopters daddy.” Dad said “No! You will BE KILL BY RUSSIANS!”. There was a time when I believed him. Then as I got oldered I stopped. But now in the Favela area of Rio de Janeiro I knew there were Russians.
“This is Shepherd”, the radio crackered. “RAMIREZ, you must fight the Russians!” I gotted my assualt rifle and OSCAR MIKE’d the wall. “HE GOING TO KILL US”, said the Russians. “I will shoot at him” said the Juggernaut and he fired the machine bullets. I rifleled at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and we were trapped and not able to kill.
“I must kill the soldier!” I shouted.
The radio said, “No Hangmen, you are the soldier!”
And then I was an OPERATOR.
True story bro. This was the rifle I used for OPERATING 10 years ago and also during the Australian-American War another 20 years back.
Tl;dr: I’m 23 now, and still single. This prolonged melancholy has left me in despair. ;_;
In the face of melancholy, I AAAALWAYS,
I WANNA BE WITH YOU, AND MAKE BELIEVE WITH YOU,
AND LIVE IN HARMONY HARMONY OH LOVE